Feeling Blue 4.

6-7 pm, 03/07/2016.

CHAMP.

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There are days when all I do is miss you

and  regret all the things I did and didn’t do

And I resent her even more for the things that she put us through…

Maybe its misplaced but she said she hates me and my ugly face!

aaaarrgh!

*sigh*

But still sometimes I really try to pretend that there’s even a semblance of a bond between us. I try to overlook how she looks at the gifts I get her and criticizes every thing I am associated with. I try to overlook how years of repressed hatred sip out once in a while and burn me, branding me unworthy, telling me that I have nothing good coming my way , telling me that I am not enough.

Well because of you ( Thank God) I know that I am not the bad words. I am enough. but I miss you because you were my champion. I was blissfully unaware of the cruelty of mankind and how easy it is to kill people with words. I’ve died a lot of times.

I dream of you sometimes. In most of them somehow you didn’t go back. or you were halfway there and you turned back. Am I holding you back? maybe you just moved two blocks away because of mid-life crises maybe I’m still in one very long ass dream…I hope this is a dream. Please say hi to you mother, brothers and sisters. Please try not to terrorize the villagers. since you wont come back I have to my own champ now.

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Feeling Blue 3.

6-7 pm, 03/07/2016

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DO YOU?

Why do I have to wait for you to love me only when we have an audience?

I must admit this is a strange problem to have but you love to show off our ‘closeness’ to the world but you don’t act like that when its just you and me, when it really matters

Why do you have to compete with your mates; ‘who loves ‘theirs’ the most or who is more close to ‘theirs’? Nobody else is even competing with you so why cant you love for me just be?

Do you not…

Are you…

Do you not love me or am I just over thinking?

 

Feeling blue 2.

6-7 pm, 03/07/2016

WHAT ABOUT ME?

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I love you with all my heart

even though I have the short end of the stick

I love you with all my heart

even though you take it for granted and take advantage of it

I love you with all my heart

through the years and times when you chose others over me

I love you with all my heart

now that I realize that Loyalty I a strange word to you

I love you and all your flaws

because they make you beautiful, because you expect me to

 

but what about me?

Feeling Blue 1. (6-7pm, 03/07/2016)

(6-7 pm, 03/07/2016)

 

Nine times out of ten I’m in my feelings

Ten times out of nine I’m only human…-Beyoncé

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WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Do you think that maybe I do too much?

Do you think that maybe I try too much?

Do I reach too much?

Do I talk too much?

Do I think too much?

Do I strive too much?

Do I dream too much?

 

Am I too much?

 

THE VOICE INSIDE…

I have a very active conscience. I hate it. it makes me do ‘weak’ things like apologize too much or care too much. well, weak to you not me.

I hate how active it is but I’m thankful for that because sometimes when it’s not active and I don’t feel bad about a situation, I think that I might be right and true… the truth hurts though and pride is our biggest enemy so active or not, I’m sorry.