The beginning of what would have been a very shitty week.

So I missed my flight last week because nobody here cares about plans that you’ve made. when I was ready to go I had to pay extra like normal. I also had excess luggage and I was prepared to pay for it but not the outrageous amount I was told. I emptied my purse and I wanted to rush and use the atm until an agent told me another better/cheaper option. I could choose to cargo it. this got his boss very upset and he proceeded to fling my bags off the stand. At that point I was ready to start crying because my flight had already started boarding and I just could not un understand why he was being mean. Anyway few minutes later he left the area and the agent proceeded to rush and help me process everything and got me on the plane. As soon as I Sat down I just started crying. I don’t know whether it was from relief or whatever but it was a very good cry because I felt better afterward. I had no Idea that I was going to be at the airport for the next seven hours. It turns out that my bag had actually not been sent with my flight and It was to come with the next flight. I was so angry and frustrated and scared and lonely, of course I wanted to cry as well but I didn’t. I had to go to the next terminal which was like a ten minute walk away from the main terminal and I had to carry my hand luggage and hand bag everywhere. Words cannot describe how stressed I felt. to top it all I had this shady agent following me everywhere trying to help me which I was grateful for until he almost ran away with my laptop. Anyway when I was all cried out, I got a cab and went to the hotel where I was supposed to stay. as soon as I got to the hotel and saw my friends everything I had felt just evaporated. everybody at home could now breathe easy because they had called and called, really worried about me.
Day one of the in country orientation was really hectic and I cannot count how many times I wished in my heart that I was at home but I have also learnt a lot as well. like how easily people get intimidated or just start hating you for no reason at all but that’s a story for another day. I have to go and get ready for day two. wish me luck.

xxx

what She Wrote..

Aim for the soul.
Happiness, truth, love, strength…find them
Find yourself.
Leave pettiness behind.
pressure and hate.
live in the moment, look for experiences.
open your heart and mind to possibilities.

Aim for the mind.
sometimes it will be hard to see all your blessings in the midst of chaos
try anyway. open your eyes and see.
Truth is hidden in actions, even the smallest ones.
you have insecurities, make peace with them, own them. they are yours.
A person is a person. not more
Don’t lock up your feelings.
if it hurts too much just sit through it and feel it.
it will pass, it always does.

Aim for the heart.
Don’t ever dim your light for anybody
people will love you, some long enough,
Don’t take that for granted or everybody will get hurt.
I love you, I miss you, I want you…feel it, say it, do it.
leave pride, run away from it
you wont find joy in some arms, its OK, you will be fine.
you must get hurt at some point, its inevitable but you can choose who hurts you.
sometimes its you. you get scared and mess up
you forget a bit and mess up.
you let a little thing get too far and you mess up
its OK. cry and move on.

Aim for strength.
The crying, fluorescent lights, shaky breaths, people wearing white telling you things with cold set eyes.
find strength anywhere. Don’t run away. Don’t hide behind fake smiles.
It will catch up with you at the most inconvenient time
and it will be hard to leave the house on those days.
don’t try to know everything. you don’t have the strength for its weight.
most of all love yourself. love yourself into a place you’ve never been.
explore yourself, your personality, get to know you. fall in love with you.
you don’t have to have it all together all the time, just find happiness and live.

xx